Guess Who
by Shaposhit
Summary: Furuba Guess Who. Each week I post a oneshot about a character, and you guys guess who. Some are hard, some are easy. All are PG. 24th week is up!
1. Shanghai Honey

**Me: Welcome to Five Minute Furuba: Part II!**

**Kyo: You can't make a part two, there are no more episodes to make it out of...**

**Me: Shaddup. These chapters are going to be short, because they need to be. Here's how it works, you review and guess who. And then I post the answers in a final post, but you'll have to wait until I've gone through at least twenty of the Furuba characters. Some will be easy, some will be hard. **

**Difficulty (out of 5): **

* * *

_I've been lost._

_I've been found_

_Second chances saved my sorry butt. _

_I used to curl up behind a hard, tough-ass protective shell - I would hide behind my cruel exterior and cause others pain to escape being caused pain, or the pain of the possibility that deep down inside, I was truely as mean as I acted. _

_She saved me. At first sight, I blew her off. I hated her guts. I was so mean to her, and she never stopped. She liked me anyway, she took me under her wing, she pulled me above water when I was drowning. She took my hand, and my head broke the surface. It hurt, to shed my hard layers, but when I finally came up, all the pain of opening up was worth it, to be able to count myself her friend._

_I would give anything for it to be like this forever. I wouldn't go back on what I've done for all the mochi in the world. It's worth anything to see the happy, peaceful look on her face when I walk through the door and wave to her, it's worth EVERYTHING. _

_Except..._

_...Is it really worth it? Is it worth a life? An kind, accepting, firey, free life? Is this karma? Is it my fate, too, to die for my past wrongs? _

_No. _

_That's not the way she'd think, if she were here. That's not the way it works. She knew she'd done wrong, and she knew the only way to repent was to live in the moment. To forget about her past, to make the best life she could for her and her loved ones. And that is the way I'll have to live my life, too. I can't give up because she's gone - I know she wouldn't have wanted that._

_I wish life would freeze. No - I wish life had frozen. The four of us, together, happy, a family with no blood ties. Yet, all good things have to thaw, alas. _

The ground thaws. The rain falls. The grass grows. Without you. The seeds root. The flowers bloom. The children play. The stars gleam. The poets dream. The eagles fly. Without you.

_All things change, and all things stay still. All things fly onward, all things rest. Yet, I wish a butterfly's life cycle were longer, I wish she hadn't driven the block at that time, and, selfishly, I wish her daughter had moved in with me. She would never have met those damn boys, and she would still be ours - and her mother's - for a while longer. _

_Bittersweet is time._


	2. You'll See

**Why is it that I don't post the answers in the next one? Hmmm...I had a reason once, and it had something to do with people who start reading after it's been posted awhile, but now it doesn't make sense anymore...I trust my soul, alas, so you'll just have to wait.**

**As a compromise, I will post the answers every five chapters. So the sixth will have the answers to the first five. Enjoy! ****By the way, I can't update every day, as my schedule is crap, and I have specific sleep needs...meaning, I fall asleep at my computer if I stay up past 10:00...**

* * *

_What is amnesia? Is it a disease...or is a wish, made on a midnight moon, with all of your heart? _

_Ha. I've got no reason to complain - I've got a good life, I've only lost one person, and I see her often enough. I know I've got it good. There are people out there who get raped, who watch their family die before them, who get AIDS. I'm so freaking lucky._

_Yet still, I can't help but be melancholy. I've got to put up a happy face, be brave for my father, but it's hard sometimes. I promised myself I wouldn't feel sorry for myself, ever, seeing as my life is so charmed and everything. But sometimes I watch her, and I know she wants to know me, I know she wants to be my friend, yet I've got to follow father's orders._

_I feel better now that I've told someone - like a lead weight's been lifted off my shoulders. It felt so good to cry for once, to pour it all out, to have someone's shoulder to rest on, someone who didn't recoil. My happy face is secure, for now._

_I think I've been doing well, though. I trust myself. I trust others. I even trust her, and I don't blame anyone, even if I don't approve of the choice she made. I am happy, although sometimes when I'm not high off sugar, I do get a little sad, like I am now. But I'm coping. I hope she'll help others to do the same. I wish everyone could make the choices I hope they're strong enough to make, although I guess I'm being too idealistic. _

_Why am I this way? So many other of the zodiac have had such horrible things in their lives, like suicide and distrust, and yet I seem to be able to deal with my own trauma. Maybe it's because I can look at the world, I can see it through a child's eyes, and I can realize what I must do to survive this life. I can see a better outlook and take it upon myself. I **understand.**_

_And I hope all of you can, too, someday._

* * *

**_Extra hint: Read the last paragraph again...also note that this character is very similar to me._**

**Sorry it's so short, but it's hard to do one for this character.**


	3. Sakura Kiss

**-news announcer voice- Today, in other news: A fanfiction author, regarded for her -cough- emotionally deep, alternative stories, and her excellent writing tequnique -coughcough-, has declared herself to be, and I quote, "Really sucky at judging the difficulty of her Guess Who fic posts". And this is...the Colbert Report!**

**Stephen Colbert: Exqueez me?**

**Me: Nothing...and I do not own the Colbert Report, or Fruits Basket. And in case you haven't noticed, the chapter titles have nothing to do with the content...HERE WE GOOO!!!**

* * *

_A place in-between extremes..._

_A place in shades of gray..._

_A place with a mix of Aussie and Brit..._

_That's what I (ought to) strive for..._

_But wouldn't that be boring? Bland?_

_Perhaps I'm a pushover, perhaps I'm a juvinille delinquent...how can I get away with all this? Akito likes me...but I'm trying to rebel against him. Rock-on clothes, lame ride...my mind is spinning with my own existence as a living oxymoron._

_A class. I should take a class. To control myself...but I hate classes and school. I should still really take one. Feh, screw school!_

_A certain person saved me, and I fell head-over-heels, and I wasn't afraid to admit it. Yet, only a little bit later, I became involved...I forgot all that I had felt...and it all came rushing back...gone again, in the blink of an eye. Now, though, I think I'm in love._

_I want to cherish her, I want to be able to openly love her, I want to protect her, not the other way around! She's my lovely belle...and she shall be free someday, but I shall free her. She shouldn't have to save me, that's not the way it works. I want her to be safe, not me to be safe, but she insists so strongly..._

_Yet, a debt made is a debt that must be repaid. I owe all...am I unfaithful to someone who never wanted me like that in the first place? Is that even possible? Or am I just being unfaithful to myself? They say counseling doesn't help schizophrenics...but it does let you meet "the other side"._

_I know I annoy people, when I switch, but I can't help it. I'm not in control, I'm helpless. It's fairly scary. I'm just out there...and then something takes over inside me. Me. Maybe that's the me inside me. I can't find an outlet...but if I only show up every once in a while, and if he's around to help me, then maybe I'll be better someday..._

_That's the real reason I'm going to his high school now. I know it. So he could keep an eye on me...but I don't mind being watched by him. I love it, actually, even though I know it'll never be true. He's meant for...someone else. I don't know who, but I wish them a good life together._

_Perhaps it's my nature to rebel, inside, because I was so quiet for so long. Then, when I explode, I really go kaploof. But I know how to be quiet, and I'll try to use that. Fireworks won't get us anywhere. Silent and deadly, right? And I'm not talking about farts. _

_Cherry blossoms may fade quickly, but you can bet your bottom dollar they'll be back tomorrow. And I _**will **_make sure my beautiful belle is safe._

* * *

**Oh, God, I suck at this...**


	4. Things I'll Never Say

**Right-o, this one might be sort of hard. But I really don't know...it might be easy.**

* * *

_"Why...?" I hear the words whispered on the sweet wind through the open window.  
_

_Why I have failed? I don't know. It's so complicated. I've tried. I really have. Or, at least, I think I've tried - I wouldn't be able to tell you. It feels as though my limbs are so heavy, and I'm forcing them to struggle through another horrible day._

_You see - it used to be as though I would have my ups and downs, and sometimes it felt as though the spikes were far too sharp, too extreme, but then again, I've never been diagnosed. But now, there are no ups and downs, just me stumbling down the side of a mountain of failure. A large mountain._

_It's just too much. Every moment is filled with tension, the air crackles with it, as I push up his sleeve. Just to make sure I can buy myself a couple more moments in which I can pretend all is not lost. _

_I do love him. I really do. I love him more than life. But...he was so little. I was so afraid that if he knew how I felt, his self esteem would plummet, and his spirit would break. Maybe...maybe it would have been better to tell him the truth. But...but it felt like a little white lie at the time, just a little something so that he wouldn't cry, so that he wouldn't think his mother didn't love him. No child should think that._

_I suppose my mind was clouded when I did it. I guess I was confused. I was stressed. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know where I was going. I shouldn't have left him...no child should have to suffer that. He shouldn't think I didn't love him more than my own life - which was why I had to do it. I knew I was feeding him poison...I knew I wasn't good for him, which was why I had to leave him. _

_Somehow, it didn't seem like you were trying. You left me. You didn't care. You couldn't imagine the pressure I was under, and yet you cracked with half the gravity. I needed you so much, but you just up and left, and when I thought you loved me like the sun loves the moon. And him...I know he was so little, but he didn't try to understand, he didn't think about it, he just wanted to hate me, and so he did. Maybe he thought it was all my fault, on some level. And that's why he'll never get along with the other little one, because he'll always blame. _

_I loved him more than life._

_And I still do, though now that's not saying much._


	5. 1  5 ANSWERS

**

* * *

**

Chapter One: Shanghai Honey

**Votes:**

KYO: I (one)

UO-CHAN: X (ten)

NOTES: A lot of people thought it was Kyo at first, and one person thought it was Akito for a little bit...o.0. Actually, I can kind of see that. By the way, there IS a method to my choices, and Akito probably won't show up till later, when all the important peoples go.

**Actuality:**

Yes, it was Uo-chan. You guys are smart little peoples. By the way, I won't write the next chapter until I have four reviews for the previous one, just so that I'll have enough to do this things.

* * *

Chapter Two: You'll See

**Votes:**

HARU: I (one)

MOMIJI: VIII (eight)

NOTES: Hm, this one was too short. I should have written more, but it's kind of hard to write for Momiji-chan without making it mucho easy. As easy as Rin.

**Actuality:**

Yep. Momij'.

* * *

Chapter Three: Sakura Kiss

**Votes:**

HARU: VI (six)

NOTES: Hmmm...some people thought this was hard, some thought it was easy like Akito, and everyone got it right...did anyone notice the title? They actually are relevant to the chapter, even though they are also all song titles, and this one was Sakura Kiss - the sakura (cherry blossom) is a symbol of spring in Japan...spring is haru.

**Actuality:**

Yes, it is our shizo boy, Hatsuharu!

* * *

Chapter Four: Things I'll Never Say

**Votes: **

KYO'S MOTHER: IX (nine)

RIN: I (one)

NOTES: About the title, I was talking about how she'll never say them, because she's...dead. I do rather like this one, myself, and I wrote it with the purpose of not laying all the blame on the "bad guy", the person who was so bad for Kyo, which is completely at odds with the most recent chapter, #9.

**Actuality:**

He got it from his momma, he got from his momma...Kyo's mom!


	6. Beauty Queen

**Another cycle begins...by the way, I am working on another fic, another YukixKyo...I can't help it, geez! I've had the idea for a really long time...and I'm also going to start a HaruxTohru one as per request. Oh, by the way, I drew a pic to go with this...but no scanner, so no pic on the site.**

* * *

_What can I say about me, that hasn't already been said? I'm a layabout, I'm a no good scoundrel, I don't care for the people close to me. He may be cold, but I am colder still._

_Why, in the past, have I shunned the people who I ought to care about? Why do I seem to be so distant to the ones I ought to love?...and the ones I ought to hate? Perhaps, in the past, I have been let down. Perhaps someone who ought to love me unconditionally disowned me, regretted me, when my true personality emerged. Or maybe I'm just a let-downer myself._

_I don't to get emotionally involved, so I hide myself in layers of numbness, in layers of flamboyancy. I was filled with emptyness to protect myself, but now I wish to repent. I have regrets, too, you know. How can I ever apologize for these great wrongdoings?_

_When you think of me, do you think of cold? I didn't think so. I am not, in my outer emotions, frosty. And yet, I feel as though there is a me inside the crazy outer me, someone who really does care...and yet I can't break through, for fear of hurting myself or others. I know, if I just could managed a little in-between, some caring, not too much, perhaps it would be better. I can't. I have to go all one way, or all the other. _

_She's helped me, you know, with her wise tongue, her honest words. It's not sugar-coating I need, it's someone who can tell me how. And she's done that...and yet, I feel like it will never be right until he is older, until he can open up...perhaps then, it will be too late. I will be gone too far. I am old before my time, my young friend. And yet, I am no wiser. _

_As my heart was consumed with cold, with nothing, I have come to fear it. I fear nothing._

_But someday, when I make all my amends, nothing shall fear me. _


	7. Ice, Ice, Baby

**Grr...I don't have writer's block, I have choose-a-character block. And you guys can't help me with suggestions, because then you'll know the answers . I'm sorry! I've really wanted to work on this, but time is lacking. And my backpack is chock full of forbidden technology - my dad's camera, my iPod Shuffle, my portable radio/iPod player.**

**I wrote a certain mucho important one, but I'm going to post it at the end...sooo...**

* * *

_What've I done?_

_What'll I do?_

_Where will I stand?_

_Where do I stand with you?_

_Lies. All lies, lies in the form of a question. I know where all the answers lie...and yet, I am afraid to find out. Afraid of information, for once. Afraid of you, and how you see me. Afraid of this secret I cannot know. Afraid of what happened to my best friend. Afraid to see exactly how badly I failed this test they call life. _

_I know you're hiding it, like you've always hidden everything from me. Your past, your future, your present, all locked tight away from me, and the key is dangling right in front of my nose - you're willing to give it to me, yet you pretend you won't let me know, and still, I pretend not to notice it. Perhaps, if we had never been involved with you two, this would never have happened to her._

_She would still be her. And I would still be me. _

_And yet, you...or rather, someone connected to you, took that away from us. You took her innocence, you took her trust, and you took my heart, metaphorically speaking. She'll never be the same, and I don't know why, but I'll still be her friend - I was angry with you, for causing her the trauma she went through, for hiding all these secrets from me, and angry with him, because I'm always angry at him, but not without a reason. He's a scoundrel._

_I was angry with you, for giving me these thoughts - but I guess I never learn, do I? I never learn...how ironic. I feel foolish, childish, in front of you, and I always have, even when you and her were still...still...going to...it breaks my heart to remember it. You and her, so happy. Me, so angry with myself. Him, falsely there for me. Me, taking the opportunity as I have always advised against. You and her, estatic that I had found true love. Me, smiling with a broken heart. Him, seeing piercingly through my front. You, distraught. Her, broken. Why? I still do not know. Perhaps the gravity was too much for her, the stress of her job, and you, and the secret..._

_You, distraught. Her, broken. You, withdrawn. Her...empty. She's gone, and there's nothing I can do. She is regaining herself, I believe, but she will never be the same. Do I blame you? Yes. Do I wish she'd never fallen in love with you? Yes. Do I curse your secrets? Yes. Would I still throw my life away for you, does my heart still beat impossibly fast every time I see you, am I in love with you? Yes. Yes. Yes._

_I shall address them, when they ask me these questions, as though I know what I am talking about. I shall be a hypocrite, so that they will not be in a position as I am. I shall pass on knowledge I do not possess. I'm not going to go through what she did - I'll give you up - I stop poking my nose in your family's business - I'll cut myself off from you..._

_And as I look at you, I forget these promises. Tell me. Tell me everything._

_Tell me all your secrets..._


	8. Reciprocity

**OMG! ... is right! I haven't posted the answer to #4! I forgot to post it...well, I'm posting it as I speak, because I had it all ready and stuff, but just in case, the correct answer is Kyo's mother.**

**Oh, God, this might be hard. It was hard for me.**

**Must...choose...character...by the way, I'm starting a theme for every group of four, so you guys can try to guess that, too, if you want. First one's theme was cameo appearences, which is stretching it by a mile, but since Uo isn't that important in the anime, Haru and Momiji pretty much only show up at school for random filling parts, and Kyo's mom is only in one episode...yes, yes, I know, it doesn't work. But I hadn't planned anything, soooo...**

* * *

_Why am I like this? Why do I do this things? Why am I so cruel? Do I care?_

_No. No, I don't care. I don't...I DON'T CARE, OKAY?! I KNOW I'M A BITCH! SO GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!_

_It's true. I am, and I know that. And I DON'T CARE! But she says I've had my whole life to do whatever I like, that I'm not bound, and she doesn't understand. I can have all the servants, all the money, all the possessions I like, but I never wanted her. I was too young, too unstable, and I still am - I'm not ready for this responsibility, and so I blame her. And him, you can't forget him. We named her so that she'd have a likeness of his name, and every time I look at her face, I see him. _

_Did I love him? Maybe. Do I honestly care for him? Maybe. But do I need him, anyhow? Yes, yes, yes, regardless of whether I love him. It doesn't matter, this far in, and yet he can't be here for me...no, even if he was here, he'd be here for her, that damn girl. Even when he was here, he never saw my need, he was always for HER, HER, HER - ALL THE TIME! WHAT ABOUT ME?! IS THAT MY PURPOSE?!_

_I know I'm not ready for this - I'm too immature. I'm jealous of her, which I know is twisted on so many levels; I throw tantrums when I don't get my way, which is often; I'm a teenage drama queen, except old; I'm one of those people who can't handle their appearance and personality, but do nothing to change it; I know I need counseling or something, but I can't handle it. See, this is how our session would go:_

_Psychiatrist: What do you see yourself as?_

_Me: I'm an abusive person._

_Psychiatrist: Why do you say that?_

_Me: I hit her, I backstab her, I sleep around with people she cares about to get back at her, I say evil things to her. Oh, and I think it was probably me who killed him in the first place._

_Psychiatrist: So, I see your problem. First step to improve is -_

_Me: I DON'T WANT TO IMPROVE!_

_I'm not a shizo. I'm just an evil person. People tell me that they believe I can be good if I want to, but I'm pretty sure that's impossible. Besides, who cares? After all she's done to me, the little slut, pretends she's got so much weighing on her shoulders, I've got to get even some how. Yes, I know that's a sick thing for me to think about her, but do I care? No._

_Maybe that's it. What she's got weighing on her shoulders...what I've got on mine. I've seen this happen before, in our family, but I've never thought that it was what happened with me, since they're all such weak little women, and I'm so much stronger...but, now we seem more similar than I've ever considered. Maybe I went mad from the strain. After all, I can't afford to care about her, to love her as I should, when..._

_...when I'm going to lose her so soon. As I've known from the moment I first saw her. And yet..._

_...she's still a little bitch. And I still hate her. With every bit of my insane soul._


	9. Thanks For the Memories

**You think the "theme" thing is hard for you guys?! It's IMPOSSIBLE for me...why do I do this to myself?! ****Oh, yeah, the reason I'm doing theme is so I can pick the characters more easily. Thanks for all your feedback! By the way, this one is in two voices. "Essence divided", as Albus Dumbledore would say. By the way, this one is ridiculously easy, I just wanted to lay bare the feelings I have towards these particular characters.**

**-cough- PLEASEREADANDREVIEW_SOHMAKYOANDTHEHALFBLOODPRINCESS_ -cough-...-hack- IWANTTOBREAK70REVIEWS -hack-**

* * *

_My mind is clouded...and yet, my emotions are crystal clear. Or is it vice versa? Or a little of each?_

_There's something I know, and yet I don't know what I know. There's someone I remember, and yet, a person dear to me who is so distant. What is this? Where am I? Is this the eye of the hurricane?_

_What was I doing for so long? I remember, I was so happy, estatic, one day...terrified, destroyed, the next...and yet, what caused this? I do not remember...but I care so much. Or do I? I know one thing, I wasn't happy. I was falling apart, going insane. What saved me? Who saved me? And..._

_I love him. I love him so much. But I don't know why...I don't even know who. I know there is someone, and I know I've seen him, and I know how much I care, but I also know that when I see him, I won't know, because I didn't know at the time. It's only looking back, examining my feelings, that I know him, and even then, I feel distant from these feelings, like they belong to someone else. They're foreign in my heart, and they weigh deeply on my conscious, like I have to give them back, but I can't, because I also know they're mine..._

_...mine, and yet not mine. They belong to a different me, a me from before, and now I am seperate from my feelings, although they reside inside me, stabbing me from the inside out. When will I bleed? When will I be able to see clearly once more?_

_Never. Nevermore will I look upon my past through a crystal ball, but through a half-fogged window, a window I long to clear, and yet I cannot reach out to touch the ghosts of wrongs past. _

_Am I immature, for feeling this way? Am I like a child, to see the world so innocently? I suppose I am, and I suppose I have been immature and childlike in the past, to think only of myself and never of him, to not consider how I might work out solutions, merely to want it right, and to want it right NOW. To not look out over the complexities of my life, but merely to forge ahead on the spur of the moment? Am I a fool, to have abondoned him for my own current distress?_

_Yes, yes, yes. I should not have done whatever I've done, and I know that, but now, the door opens, and my husband steps through, briefcase in hand, and he's smiling at me, and I feel like an adult again, rather than like a helpless small one. These half-memories that linger, they slip away, drifting through my fingers like smoke..._

_What was I talking about, again?_

_

* * *

_**RANDOM INSIGHT INTO MY LIFE WILL BE POSTED WITH THE ANSWER TO THIS**


	10. 6 10 ANSWERS

**

* * *

**

Chapter Six: Beauty Queen

**Votes:**

AYAME: VI (six)

SHIGURE: I (one - a lot of people thought it was either Aya or Shigure, and I gave their votes to Aya)

RIN: I (one)

NOTES: Beauty Queen, come on, you guys didn't see that? Can I BE more obvious? Actually, I kinda wanted to do Beauty Queen for Yuki, but I decided it would fit better with...

**Actuality: **Yes, it's Ayame. I actually probably should have done Shigure for this section, though, since I've started a THEME, and Shigure fits with it. But I'll probably do him later...haha, do him. Theme will, by the way, be revealed later on.

* * *

Chapter Seven: Ice, Ice, Baby

**Votes:**

MAYUKO-SENSEI: VII (seven)

NOTES: I can't believe no one got this! No, just kidding. I discovered a crazy-awesome tool called "chapter filter", which is making my job stating up reviews A LOT easier! Ice Ice Baby is the title, because of the Hatori involvement...

**Actuality:**

Mayu...some people thought this was hard, some thought it was easy, and I thank you guys for specifying difficulty, since that helps me lots with my writing.

* * *

Chapter Eight: Reciprocity

**Votes:**

REN (AKITO'S MOTHER): VII (seven)

NOTES: When You're Good To Momma, eh? Since Akito isn't nice at ALL to her mother, I suppose Ren has an excuse.

**Actuality:**

Affirmative, it is Ren, the Bitch in the Chinese Zodiac.

* * *

Chapter Nine: Thanks For The Memories

**Votes: **

KANA: VII (seven)

NOTES: Do I just have the same seven reviewers? I'm too lazy to check. Oh...I just noticed something. I haven't been counting those people who reply with more than one guess per review...oops. Aw, man, now I've got to go back and check? Naw. I'm too lazy. But I'll count those people next time! _Gomennasai, mina-san!_

**Actuality:**

Yesh, Kana. But I said in the beginning that it was done in two voices, and no one tried to guess for the second voice...a couple people thought it was Kyoko or Kana - I count those as Kana, and one person thought it might be Kagura (0.0'). The second voice, which I was careful to write inconspiciously so that it could be either, is _**Momiji no okasan** - _**Momiji's mother.**

* * *

Theme:

No one guessed this, but I noted it late, so I wasn't really expecting any guesses. The answer is...

**Childlike/Immature Adults.**

Obviously, Shigure fits in here, too, but I didn't want to do two of the Mabudachi Trio together in this one, since that's...no offense, a little obvious with Aya and Shigure's antics. I'm not making sense, am I?

_Until next time!_


	11. Breakaway

**Well, this one was easy (for me). I was going to say something else here, but then I realized it would completely give it away. By the way, THIS ONE ONLY is based partly on the anime. ONE SCENE which was changed for the anime is the way it was in the ANIME. Wakarimasuka?**

**By the way, I'm computer-banned, so I might be a while before I update.**

**This one is...Dangerously Cheesy. Watch out. Oh, the corny-ness! -sobs in horror-**

* * *

_Is it that I act too old for my age? No..._

_I think it's rather that I never had a chance to be a child. From my earliest memories, I have been surrounded by terror, torture, and tradgedy. I never had a chance to be carefree, to have fun - I was forced into seeing the wrongs of the world, and so I grew up in fear. I never had friends, never had family, I had never felt love...am I a lost case? Is there any way to undo, to press the Ctrl-Z and go back? _

_I think that there is. Perhaps I am stronger than I let on, seeing as my childhood had been so traumatic, and yet I can stand here and try to be a good person - perhaps I try harder than others, to make up for what I might have become. Being weak is no good, they say it all the time, as though it pertains to me, but I know it doesn't. I'm strong. I'm as strong as she is._

_But being strong isn't any good either. Look at me. I'm one of those weird people who curl up inside of themselves. She doesn't know what's happened to me - why I am the way I am - and I'd like to keep it that way. Even if she can help me, I don't want her to. He deserves it more than I do, I know that...and so I'll never tell her. I'll never tell anyone. I don't want anyone to see inside me, and yet at the same time, I do. I'm frightened, but at the same time, I want these layers to clear away. _

_That's why I did it, you know. That's why I pushed her. I pushed foward, not for my own sake, but for his. She'd never have had the strength to go forth the way she did, and I know that. He's faced so much at my hands - sort of - that he deserves some kind of happiness. What about me? I'll manage. I'll make my own future, and I'd want it that way. Even if it's not my fault, per say, I feel I need to repent - and so I gave her to him. I hope they're happy._

_Happy endings are a dream. A nice, sweet, childlike dream, but a dream all the same. I know I'll never have one. How can I, when my heart is surrounded by darkness like this? This darkness requires concious brushing away, and I know she can do that, but I also know I'll never tell her all my secrets. I cannot. Let her think of me as that nice one, maybe a little quiet, helpful, always thinking of her. Innocent. Unscarred. Because with me, she'll never find her happy ending._

_Now, him. This issue needs addressing, does it not? It's hard for me, but I must get through it. All I wanted was a friend, someone who liked me for me, not who I am...and he became my enemy because of who I am. Backfiring at it's worst. Lovely. I still wish it had turned out different, all the way back then, and maybe we could be best buddies now, we have so much in common. Maybe we'll come to peace. Maybe we won't._

_I don't act the same around him. It's the layers thing all over again, but this time it's worse, because I know he's gone through some of the same, and he knows some of what I have, too, and yet he still wishes for my death. If I ever told him we ought to make peace, he'd laugh in my face. Worse. See why I'm afraid? See why I hide within myself? See why I'm the arrogant bastard around him? See why I've forced myself to stop loving her? Do you see? Can you? Do I want you to? _

_And it's worked. I don't love her romantically anymore - I don't know if I ever did. If I have had to convince myself I don't, I've done a darn good job...is that a good thing? I hope so. I hope that we could never have been, since we won't. And I hope..._

_...I hope it will all melt away someday, and I hope that I will be the one who caused it. I will stand on my own two feet. I will live for myself. _

_I must..._

_...or I will crumble. _


	12. Catch Your Wave

**New record for longest time in-between update! I'm sorry! I hope I didn't lose too many readers...I'm sorry, this one's kind of MUCHO EASY and MUCHAS SHORT.**

* * *

_The sound of the ocean is constantly in my ears...the waves crashing and foaming in my head, as vivid as what I see and hear. Am I supposed to differentiate? Am I supposed to be able to sort it all out, this noise inside my skull?_

_I'm not stupid, though. I do hear them. The things they say about me. I don't know if I would be able to keep faith, if I didn't have her with me. She tells me she knows what I'm worth, even if the others shirk away. It used to be that she was my only lifeline, and if that line was cut, I would plummet. Now, I think differently. I am surrounded by shadows, and she can light my candle. If that candle was snuffed out, I would fall back into darkness. I would wish I had never known what it was like to be warm, to be comforted. And...who knows what would happen to me? Who know what I would do to myself?_

_Do you know, I think I know what it is about them. I think, maybe, I've known for a long time. About everything they didn't want to tell us. Everything she was included in. Maybe the specifics are blurry, and maybe I'm totally off the mark, but I have my theory. Why he fights, why she cools him down. Why he hides his true self, why she helps him see. Why they all have their issues, and why she's solving it._

_It's them that told me. Them that I hate. Them that I am burdened with. Them that have caused me so much trouble. It's not something I can turn off, and it's not something I can control, and it's not something soft that echoes into my mind._

_No._

_They're hard, cruel, and cold. They don't have feelings, but they are still my friends. They are not human, but I sometimes think of them as such. They give me such horrible insights into people's dispositions, and they destroy me from the inside out. They keep me from growing up like a normal child - they force me into an adult world of pain and suffering, long before I am ready. _

_I would give them up, in a second. If only. I could be a normal child, I could have more friends, I could be worry-free, I could walk along with my family without being alerted to the backstabbers in the world. I cannot. This is my life, to be a servant of my power. Yet, I will not let it overpower me. I will command it, I will act around others as though they are the quiet whispers, instead of an endless stream of un-wanted information. _

_There's another thing I wish for. I wish I could help her - I know I could, if she would let me! I have all my power, and yet, I am stuck on the outside. I am supposedly knowledgeless. She doesn't want me hurt...for God's sake! I know more hurt than I would ever want her to! I honestly believe I have no soul, and so what is the harm? What is there in this world that I should not do for her? She helps me, and I want to help her back. I can't bear to see her hurt._

_She'll teach me to surf on this endless sea of suffering._


	13. Some Day

**Damn, I'm losing readers...**

**...COME BACK!**

* * *

_Not fair. It's not fair. I'm supposed to be her hero, yet don't think I'm able. I don't think I'll ever be able. I'm too fragile, to protect her from the horrors of the world. She's older than I, yet I feel as though she is weaker, and I must be her knight in shining armour. She's so sad, hands clutched nervously, eyes hidden in shadow, it breaks my heart._

_I can't help but snap at people. They act like I don't care for her, yet what could I do?! She's in danger, I know that. He's always harder on the girls. And so I hide behind my mask of sarcasm, pretending I don't love her more than life itself. My life is filled with a danger, a danger like a tiger in the shadows, unseen, invisible, and yet at the last moment it jumps out at you, clawing the life from your throat. _

_I'm fed up with all of them. So immature. They play around and make jokes, they smile at me and call me cute, they enjoy their pitiful existence. Yeah? Do you think they know how it feels to live in fear every day? Do you think they know how it feels to want to keep your eye on her every second of every day so that he doesn't come for her? Do you think they know how it feels to be helpless, confined by your own damned limits?_

_Yeah. They do, they know everything. And that's the sad thing. _

_They know how I feel, they've gone through it, they've seen it a dozen times. And still, they chuckle at my anger. They blow me off, tell me everything's gonna be alright. Yeah? What if it's not alright? What if he really hurts her? I couldn't stand to see her broken, like some of the other's have been. I couldn't stand to see her lying battered on the ground, outcast, because of a mistake I made. I can't handle it._

_So I hide. It's such an adult thing to do, hide your true feelings to protect someone, and I know that, I know that I must. Yet it hurts to not be able to tell her, to look around and see these smiling faces, child-like smiling faces around me, and know I can never be like my peers. I am shoved early into this game, this sick cat-and-mouse game. _

_I want her to know._

_I want her to be oblivious._

_I want to be silent._

_I want to speak out._

_I want to stand up to him._

_I want to bow down and obey the rules._

I want her to be happy.

_Whatever it takes._


	14. Headstrong

**-sigh- I know, I know, it's easy, easy, lemon squeezy...I can't tell about the level of difficulty, mainly because I already know who it is when I start writing. It's like trying to proofread your own work, except a LOT harder. Also, quite often I'll get a review saying it's quite hard, and another saying they had it figured out by the second sentence. **

**Also, keep in mind it's not only about the guessing. It's also about seeing what I have to say about the characters...**

**Anyone wanna guess about the theme?**

_

* * *

_

_Determination._

_The determination to fight onwards._

_The determination to break down barriers._

_The determination to save him. __The determination to not let him carry me like a helpless maiden. __The determination to finally stand on my own two feet, if only for a second..._

_...before I crumble with exhaustion._

_The determination to drive myself forwards. The determination to destroy the opposition, even if I destroy myself in the process. The determination to get even, the determination to get them to love me, the determination to hate them no matter what. The determination to run without hesitation, the determination to run naked, without anyone who might get hurt in the process, except, of course, me. I don't matter._

_It's driven through my skull. _

_The determination not to hinder anyone I don't want to. The determination to not look like some sweet little girl who thinks of others before herself. The fire that burns so unnervingly in my eyes. Black holes, they suck people in. Suckers. I'm dangerous. Stay away. I'm trying to save my family, here, let me do it myself! I'm not healthy, so what? I don't need a man to hold me up, put me in a precious little box, call me his love. I don't need that._

_But I want it._

_Damn._

_I know, I know. I'm doing this all for him. I'm in love. I know all that. But it complicates things, complicates my position with our enemy...__I'm exactly like the one I loathe. Our delirium is the same, our fits of rage, our fits of passion, our reluctance to let others help us in any endveavor, the fact that this supposed savior ticks us off. Savior, my ass. Yeah, sweet little girl, in love with her big, strong kitty? I've been striving to do this for so long, and you just come in and criticize. You let him carry you off, you ask so many people to hold your hand and move you along, and I'm sacrificing myself for my love. _

_Determination._

_A blessing._

_And a curse. _

_Unbreakable._


	15. 11 15 ANSWERS

Chapter Eleven: Breakaway

**Votes:**

YUKI: VI (six)

NOTES: In case you haven't noticed, or I haven't already said this, the chapter titles are songs that fit either my descriptions or the character. Breakaway is pretty obvious, Yuki's crazy little "be different, stand up for myself" obsession. Pah. Haha, this one was obvious - probably because there is so much fodder in the series for me to write out for Yuki that it gets pretty obvious.

**Actuality: **Yep, Yuki...

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Catch Your Wave

**Votes:**

HANA: V (five)

NOTES: A lot of people (60 percent) thought this was pretty hard, which makes me happy.

**Actuality:**

Hanajima Saki, indeed.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Some Day

**Votes:**

HIRO: VIII (eight)

HARU: I (one)

NOTES:

Why are you so insecure  
When you got passion and love her  
You always claimin' I'm a cheater  
Think I'd up and go leave ya  
For another señorita  
You forgot that I need ya  
_**You must've caught amnesia**_  
That's why you don't believe

Sorry. My life comes with a soundtrack. Or maybe it was a typo? Or a brain-dead moment?

**Actuality:**

Hiro...too easy, yes? Well, it's nice to have a break once in a while, from the stress of life...or something.

* * *

Chapter Ten: Headstrong

**Votes: **

RIN: VIII (eight)

NOTES: I rather like this one. Actually, I forget how Headstrong goes, but my friend always plays it on her speakers at school, in the mornings.

**Actuality:**

Unhealthy as a horse...yes, Isuzu-dono! XD. Rin's my favorite character, so that's where the "dono" came from.

* * *

Theme:

Thank you, Tifa! Yay, thou art correcte.

**Old Beyond Their Age**

Opposite of last week's! Pretty obvious, I must say, but I like doing a theme.

Oh, great, now I have to think of another one...I pretty much have the last one figured out, but not the next one...-sigh-

_Ja ne!_


	16. How To Save a Life

Happy Turkey Day!

I hate turkey...

* * *

_My fault. _

_All my fault._

_Isn't it just so stupid when your ideas totally backfire? You stay up all night studying for the test, and then fall asleep _during_ the test. You put the love note in the wrong locker. Or, on a bigger scale - there were no weapons of mass destruction. Oops, sorry for killing millions of people. My bad. _

_And now I look like a total idiot. Stubborn, selfish, stupid, a total idiot. Sigh..._

_And I've got no one to blame, dammit! IT'S NOT LIKE I PLANNED THIS! Do you believe me?! Do you really?! No one believes me. They look at me with anger, or worse, pity. They all hate me for a mistake, a frickin' mistake. So I thought I could help, boost his self-confidence. I was only destroying him further. _

_I should've know it'd be obvious I was faking, and I was, but I can learn. I've learned. I've learned, but I can't change. I'm the same I always was, but he's healing, and it's not me that's doing it..._

_...I can't hate her. I should - she's my rival and everything, but I can't hate her. She's too sweet. She reminds me, in a way, of me. A softened me, a smarter me, a more worldly me, but we've got the same sweet smile, the same determination, the same love. So why'd I go wrong? Force, anger, passion...I let it get the better of me, and I got off track. I'm not supposed to be beating him down, I should be building him up, if I love him so damn much, but I can't help but explode._

_It could be my head wasn't screwed on just right._

_It could be, perhaps, that my shoes were too tight. _

_But I think that the most likely reason of all..._

_May have been that my heart was two sizes too large._

_I act so immature, despite almost being an adult, yet I feel there's something dark about me. Something too knowledgeable. Something ancient, worn out before my time. And then, it's gone, when I spring into action as I always do, as I crush others beneath my passion, not giving a damn for other anyone else's feelings. __It's a Pandora's Box thing. Love is both the bandage and the bullet. Open one, you open the other. And some people always seem to manage to bite off more than they can chew. But I'm getting better about it, I really am. I think I'll be able to let him be him, someday. _

_So ít's not mutual. I think I can deal - give me time. And give me her friendship._


	17. Show Me Love

Silently reflection turns my world to stone

Patiently correction leaves us all alone

And sometimes I'm a travel man

But tonight this engine's grey

-Tranquilize, by The Killers

* * *

_Obsession..._

_How cruel is this earth?_

_Was I just dealt the wrong hand?_

_Or the wrong personality?_

_How untouchable is he, how distant, and yet how close...I feel as though I am so close, and yet so far away. He just needs a little pushing, and perhaps he will warm up to me, be able to take me in his arms as I long him to._

Tell me how you've never felt delicate or innocent

_I've dedicated my entire life to him, to worship, I pray every day for some accident, some miracle, that he may fall for me. It is unhealthy, yes, it is stupid, yes, it is hopeless, yes, but it's my life, and I can't change. If perhpas, he would do one thing for me, show me on some level that he understands, perhaps it would be easier on me. I would be able to give up this frenzy, this obsession. _

Random acts of mindlessness

Commonplace occurances

_Yet, I get the feeling I shall never be able to give this up. I've lived this way for too long, I've thrown myself too far, for me to be able to recover. Why am I like this? My parents are not wealthy. I am not particularly intelligent. No boys have ever wanted more from me than one thing. I've been told I'm pretty - and discarded like that much trash. I know he'd never do that._

_And so, he is my last hope. I've dedicated so much to him, thrown so much of myself away for him that I have no other options. I would have no idea what to do with myself, other than drugs and trouble. He is my lifeline. My knight in shining armor. _

_Or at least, I wish he was._

_One-sided obsession..._

_...unhealthy..._

_...worthless..._

_...hopeless..._

_...my life. _


	18. Luxurious

Malchik gay, Malchik gay...

I have a new obsession - t.a.T.u! Their music is quite eerie, but it has a great beat to it, and their (fake...) message makes for some sweet songs! Anyone noticed how Not Gonna Get Us sounds exactly the same as it's Russian counterpart, Nas Ne Dagoniat?

* * *

_He asked for a cell phone._

_It sounds so trivial, so stupid, but this the thought that's plauged me nonstop._

_What would he do with a cell phone? He didn't have any friends. Does he have a girlfriend? A boyfriend?! Why didn't I know about this?! _

_I do love him. I really do - I love him more than anyone, even my husband...he's brought me such glory, wealth, and power. Without him, I would still be practically nothing. I love him. I love this life. It was perfect - I had no worries, he was fine, taken care of, and I could do whatever I liked. _

_And then that girl had to go and get herself involved._

_I've noticed it in him. He's slowly changing, opening up more, there's less spite in his eyes. What if he gets...ideas? What if he wants to grow up without us? What if he does something stupid like deciding he's got a mind of his own? What if he gets himself disowned?! He had to beg that stupid man to take him in, risking disfavor - geez! Wasn't he happy? We were happy, so he should have been, too._

_Is this all my delirium? Am I just crazy for not thinking of him as I should, for not protecting him, taking him under my wing, like all those others have? I don't think so. It's unhealthy to be sheltered - it's a hard life, and he'd better deal with it. If he hasn't learned that by now, there's something wrong with him. I mean, I've given him everything. He has a home, money, a good school. I even let him go to that stupid man's house, against my better judgement, because he seemed to want to so badly. _

_They tell me everyone loves him, he's a model student, and I'm going to dish out even more to let him go to the perfect college. And he says he wants to choose! Does he think I don't know what's good for him? Does he think he's going to disobey me? Does he think that stupid girl's going to back him up?_

_Let me decide. I know you better than you know yourself, sweetie. _

_He asked for a cell phone._

_He asked for choices._

_He asked to control his own life._

_The fool. But I love him anyway. _

_More than anyone._


	19. Gold Digger

Sorry, I haven't updated since last weekend...I have a bit of a block. In case you're wondering, this is written with an odd perspective, to keep true to the original voice.

Why am I always listening to Malchik Gay by t.a.T.u when I write this?

* * *

_Secrets..._

_You all have secrets you won't share._

_Silly, silly boy. Secrets don't get you anywhere. She knows you've got one, she knows it's important to you. She knows you want to tell, she knows you want to love without your silly fears. __So, she says, go! Tell, love, be open! Don't hide! What can be more important than true loooooove? _

_She doesn't have secrets. She just has fun. She doesn't get to you, though, she can see it in your eyes. Her comments that get the other boys so riled up don't piss you off...or get you with her. Not that she wants you, she's just curious. She likes to play with her meat. _

_Why do you not respond to her? Are you too deep in love? Are you a queer? She doesn't have any problems with queers. She's done a couple, in her day. She doesn't need the same kind of dedication that you do, the same kind of serious relationship. She thinks serious relationships are lame._

_But you intrigue her, you do. She wants to tease you, lead you on a chase, but you refuse to run. Or rather, she wants to lead _them _on a chase. They wear their hearts on their sleeves, and they care too much. She would tell them to let go, if they weren't so much fun to play with. She'll lead them on a mighty adventure, she will, she'll drop false hints, and she'll have the time of her life, watching them get so mad at her, and then she'll smile sweetly and deny everything. And it will be fun. _

_But she's changing. __She can feel it. __Everyday._

_Everyday, their glares mean more to her. Everyday, she wants to wipe away your "sufferings" more. Everyday, she wants to give the object of your affections her advice. Everyday, she wants to let you tell your sweet how you feel...your secret. Everyday, the world seems more opressing to her. Everyday, she can feel herself growing up, changing, becoming more...human._

_She hopes it will be quick, painless._

_She hopes it's for the better._

_She hopes for herself._

_She hopes, one day, that she can be the kind of person she can be proud of._

_No, no, she doesn't._

_I hope that one day I can be the kind of person I can be proud of._

_And then, maybe, she can refer to herself correctly, without guilt._


	20. 16 20 ANSWERS

Chapter Sixteen: How To Save a Live

**Votes:**

KAGURA: VIII (eight)

NOTES: Poor widdle Kagura, trying her best and failing...I feel a certain kinship towards her, being the Year of the Boar and all.

**Actuality: **Kagura-chan!

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Show Me Love

**Votes:**

MOTOKO: V (five)

UO-CHAN: I (one)

KAGURA: I (one)

KISA: I (one)

NOTES: Um...okaaaay. This one was pretty widely spread. By the way, I'm sorry for not being able to get deeper into Motoko's character, but she doesn't have that much explained about her other than what I put in.

**Actuality:**

Minagawa Motoko, president of the Yuki Fan Club, and heiress to a vegatable empire.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Luxurious

**Votes:**

YUKI'S AND AYA'S MOM: IX (nine)

MACHI: I (one)

NOTES: Co-rrect. The cell phone thing was a bit of a give-away, but I wasn't sure if it would have been clear enough without it. PS, I'm not exactly serious when I say she loves him, it's more like she THINKS she loves him, because she's twisted like that.

**Actuality:**

Luxurious is by Gwen Stafani, and it was basically the only thing I could think of.

Yuki's mom

Has got it goin' on

I know it might be wrong

But I'm in love with Yuki's mom (OR NOT!)

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: Gold Digger

**Votes: **

KIMI: V (five)

NOTES: The third person made it a little hard to write without getting too complicated, but you know how she always talks like "Kimi is very skillfull!" instead of "I am very skillfull!"

**Actuality:**

Isn't it funny how the crazy little goblin-dude in a fantasy book/movie always talks in third person?

It be Kimi, my precious!

* * *

Theme:

All y'all who guessed are correct!

**Love Gone Wrong**

_or, alternatively_

**Bitches**

Yes, Kagura fits in here, sad as it is to say. Kimi isn't really in love, but she's such a tease as to almost be a slut, which means SOMETHING'S gone wrong.

By the way, thanksies to ALL readers/reviews/French people! And thanks to Bailey-chan for helping me with the theme!

_  
Well, the final week is next. I have some pretty sweet characters picked who are fairly obvious, but the point is to go out wih a bang, right? Anyway, enjoy, I'll be amping up the drama. _


	21. I'm With You

I'm back. I know you all missed me. What am I back from? Reading the Uglies trilogy by Scott Westerfield. At the risk of product placement, OMG IT WAS GREAT. The ending was SO PERFECT. My friend said she thought the last book, Specials, wasn't that good and the ending sucked, but I disagree. It just...it fit, so perfectly. I hope I can aspire to do the same, someday.

Must find Extras...

* * *

_A game..._

_That's all it is, a game..._

_A game of drama._

_A game of intrigue._

_A game of laughter and fun. _

_A game of rivalry, friendship, and love._

_You pulled me into this, you know, and you won't let me pull myself out. You've trapped me, as is your nature, and I don't mind. I love you. You need someone to be gentle with you, to tell you you matter, to rock you to sleep when a nightmarish fit of rage pulls you away from peace. I'll be here, to suffer your blows, and I'll be here until you die..._

_It's breaking my heart._

_To think about it, to think of you, and how long you have left. Yet I won't drop you, thinking to ease my pain when it finally happens, I will stay by your side and ensure that you can have someone to cherish you until the end. _

_Why do you hate her so much? Why do you despise her, rant and rave? Is it because, as you say, she is shattering your peace? But, no, you never were really at home with yourself. Is it because you feel she is stealing away your family? Your way of life? Your ideals?_

_I know, I know, I've been too kind to her. I've even been a sort of parent figure to her...do you feel she is stealing** me **away? Don't worry about that. I am your devoted servant, forever. Besides, I like 'em fiesty. _

_The things you do, the things you say, it's all wrong...but I'm a fool in love. Love is blind and deaf. _

_I'll be your chesspiece, __I'll be your pawn._

_I'll carry out your twisted orders. __I'll play your game._

_The words fly past, rushing around me. Your rage burns, cool on my skin. __I show her a smiling face, while inside I'm wondering what you'll do to her. I laugh with her, wondering if she'll survive your anger. I'm a double agent, some might say, but I'm loyal to you, through and through, no matter how it seems. I'm kind, helpful to her, but I report everything to you, knowing you'll try to destroy her. I stand by, trying to appear impartial, trying to look like I don't care one way or another, but you'll always be number one to me._

_I joke._

_I play._

_I laugh._

_I betray._

_Blood fills your dreams._

_Water fills my eyes._

_Blood is thicker than water._


	22. Invisible Tomorrow

Note: I used some lyrics in here without giving actually using a lyrical format...see if you can spot them! I also used some other lyrics, in lyrical format.

Disclaimer: Don't own the song, don't own the band, don't own the anime, don't own the manga don't even own this computer...no, I didn't steal it, it's my dad's.

* * *

_For the first time in my life, I'm crying._

_I don't want to lose her._

_Lady Luck never smiles upon me. She's a cruel witch, tearing all that I have away. She rolls weighted dice upon weighted dice, tips the wheel, and writes a six down as a one. Her grin is a false promise, a fake pledge of love, while underneath lies maggots. She smiles a disgustingly candy-sweet smile upon the girl, offering her candy, and I can only look on and pray she doesn't fall for it._

_How brave is she, to stand up when all others have failed? How brave is she, to carry me away from the terror of the night?_

_How soon is the day I lose her?_

_Am I a fool for fighting? Am I a fool for fighting against my fate? I think not. I have been dealt a bad hand, yes, but I will rebel against my rules and leashes until the end. I am a human, and I have choices. We live today, and I will live tomorrow. I will live, with her._

_Ever since she came, everything__'s been confusing, dizzying, out of whack, and wonderful. I want to be with her forever. I want to shelter her, be her knight. I want her to be happy. I want her to live without lies and secrets. I want her to be free. _

_That is why, that is the reason I can't love her. So many times, it's happened before - torn, broken, distraught, crushing themselves. I can't stand to see her like that - not ever again. __I want to fly to a place where it's just me and her, so we can be free. I want to fly her away..._

_...fly her away, like you did me. Reaching new heights, with my head in the sky, the cold wind in my hair and my eyes, the world shining around me. The petals flying about. Peace. I owe you so much, F__ather, more than anyone. You've showed me the wonder of the world. Without you, perhaps there would be no me any longer. I would have wasted away, until it was too much, and then gone the same way as she did. You saved me. But to what end?_

_Daddy, looking at me_

_Tell me, will I ever be free?_

_I know what you would say if I asked you that. You would say, "There is always a way. You will find a way to fight, with her by your side. Maybe even you'll have an unexpected ally." And then you would wink, laugh, and I would feel comforted. _

_I know who you mean by that, and I know what you're trying to say. Forgive, but do not forget. Love. Right past wrongs. Make new ties. I don't think so, at least not for now. Maybe, when we're older and can look back on this, maybe then...but, for now, there's too much tension, too much leftover hate to wash away. Yet, I feel there's less everyday. Perhaps, when the time comes, he will be on my side._

_But for now? __For now, I'm living here and now. __She's working on it. She has help, now, it's not just her alone against the might of an empire...well, she's had help all along, but now she knows she does. __For now..._

_For now, I'm finally at peace. A temporary, wobbly peace, but it's peace. __This peace will be broken soon._

_But hopefully, something else will break along with it._

_And then..._

_Freedom. __At last._

_For the first time in my life, I'm flying._


	23. Just Let Me Cry

I'm sorry for the last chapter. I know it was kind of off...the voice didn't really fit. Guess I was having an off day...I'll explain more in the answers.

* * *

_Hold my hand._

_Comfort. Love. Trust. Happiness._

_Words I haven't heard for such a long time._

_Can I remember what they mean? Can I remember what peace is? Can I remember who I am? Who I was? Can I remember pity, mercy, and kindness? They ring a bell. Too far off, too distant, to connect in time. Light travels faster than sound, they say...maybe I know what they ought to mean, but I'm deaf? _

_My heart, locked away. The key to the box is missing, swallowed by the darkness. Open it, do as I tell you! Save me! Stop hesitating! COME ON! DO AS I SAY!_

_Do you know what it is, to be alone? Do you know what it is, to be lost? Do you know what it is, to be me? I didn't think so. You're frozen. Frozen in time, paralyzed, unmoving, and you can't get to me in time. You hesitate. You're so maddening. Sometimes, I just want to reach out and crush you...I could, you know. I could, if I wanted to. And I might. I might want to. _

_I need you here, with me. I need your warmth, it's all I have left. She won't hold me. She's thrust such a burden on me, and I can't cope with it. I bear this huge weight upon my body, too much for me to carry, and she doesn't give a damn. So...why do I still wish she loved me? _

_They're all my lovely little children in perfect rows, my marionettes, and it's all being ruined. Their lovers hold the keys to set them free, but then I'll lose them...I'll lose my only hope. My light. My family. The only thing I have left to lose. Why should they be loved, when I'm alone? Me, the privaliged! Me, the blessed! Me, the worshiped! I love to have them around me, to know I control the strings to their lives, to see them all. _

_I can't believe I'm losing him. He used to be my playmate, my soulmate, my only salvation, other than you, of course. I could confide in him. I could tell him the truth, and he wouldn't laugh or hit me. I could tell him all of my dark, dangerous feelings when I lost Father...I could finally let it all out. And he wants to be cut free. He belongs to me, and he thinks freedom is an option?! Can't he see I need him? _

_But you, you're here for me now...for how long? What a horrible fate, to know it'll all be over, whether you like it or not. I hate this...this...this choosing for me, that my mother does! She says," Congrats, you get a horrible life. Have fun with that.". _

_I want her to hold me. It sounds silly, but I want her to hold me and tell me she loves me, after all. I want her to accept me and let me be what I want to be. I want that silly girl to leave well enough alone, but more than that, I want her to show me the same love she's shown the others. _

_I want you by my bedside, holding my hand, when the lights go out. I want you here with me, when the darkness takes me. And I hate myself for not being able to tell you that. _

_I know she'll be there. That stupid, silly, girl, who I've hated so much. I wanted her to die, but she'll be there to pay me her last respects. She'll forgive me...why?_

_Salt...salt on my tongue. _

_Crocodile tears...or, at least..._

_Mother tells me they always are._


	24. Drift

I'm sorry, I know a lot of people are gone for the holdiays, but I decided it would be better to write and post this, but not tally until after break is over. So don't feel like you're behind, or missed anything, if you don't get home until after break.

Or maybe I'm the only one going away - which is why I'm posting this now.

* * *

_I've been lost._

_I've been found._

_Second chances saved my sorry butt._

_It's not that I took a wrong turn, I think it's more that I didn't take a right. I kept plowing straight ahead with my course of action, rushing past all my feelings and regrets...and do you know what? I still don't regret it. Regret is not an option. I am who I am, because of this. ¡Yo soy yo!_

_There's nothing I love more than flooring it, windows rolled down, with her smiling silently beside me, music blasting obscenely loud. Ahead, into the horizon, fields and forests flashing by. The edgy autumn air cold on my face. I'd never felt so alive...ironic, isn't it?_

_Yet..._

_Yet, what am I missing? The shoulder-high fields of golden corn, stretching off into the clear blue sky. With speed, I would have missed that beautiful sight. _

_The thrill of the race._

_The beauty of the land._

_They're weighing in my hands, and I can't choose. I think, even after I reformed, there was a part of me that wanted to speed into the distance, feel that immeasurable sense of peace that I could never feel again. Some part of me always wanted to grow out my hair, fly as fast as I could, not give a care in the world. I don't think that kind of freedom ever comes twice in a lifetime, not after you've given it up._

_Lay it on me. Blame me. Yell at me. Hate me. Blame me, all you want, just don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, my baby, it's never your fault. You're the sweetest girl I ever did meet, and you would never hurt a 'fly. I know you'll think it was your fault, you are so selfless, but I wish you wouldn't. It's not your blessing that keeps me safe throughout the day - it's your blessing that keeps me happy._

_You're always so optimistic, I love that. You keep plowing on, so determined, so self-reliant. But you need someone to love you, someone to hold you, someone to tell you that you can take a rest once in a while. Do you have someone? Those two will take care of you, I know they will. They're almost as close to me as you are. They love you to pieces, and they will protect you to the death. But will you listen to them? I hope so. I hope so..._

_There's not a day that I don't miss him. He carried me away from all the danger, all the self-destruction, he was my knight. And now we've left you all alone in the world...sweetie, stick with it. Be brave, but let them take care of you, sometimes. Let yourself enjoy life, because life without enjoyment is pointless. Don't fall into the gutter, as we did. _

_You grow up so beautifully._

_You get prettier and prettier._

_Your kindness develops endlessly._

_You share my knowledge, and yours._

_You are saving their world, piece by piece._

_Without me._

_Bittersweet is time._


	25. 21 25 ANSWERS

Chapter Twenty-One: I'm With You

**Votes:**

SHIGURE: VII (seven)

KURENO: I (one)

NOTES: I'm With You - Shigure will say with Akito until the end. -tears up- I've been doing that a lot lately (crying). Crying about Bailey's death, crying about Kaori's death, crying about Keichi's insanity, crying while listening to t.A.T.u.'s Dangerous and Moving album, crying about Shizuma's and Miyuki's and Yaya's and Nagisa's romance problems.

**Actuality: **The damned dog, indeed.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two: Invisible Tomorrow

**Votes:**

KYO: VI (six)

AKITO: I (one)

NOTES: Invisible Tomorrow reffers to the cage. Okay, I promised I'd explain about my ISSUES with this one, so here goes: A lot of people said they didn't hear Kyo's voice so much during this, one person said they heard a child pleading (nice descriptions!), so obviously I didn't do so hot. I have a disability when it comes to Kyo: I have a love-hate relationship with him. He's vibrant, determined, cute, all things I admire in a person, and he is very similar to me (I'm cute...shaddup...). But, I hate him. I don't know why. It could have something to do with the way Tohru's changed him - kind of like the way Avril Lavigne is "happy" now, but her music sucks.

Also, I wrote it in typing class with Jordan the Annoying looking over my shoulder.

One reviewer said it sounded like a kiddish version...maybe that's a good thing, since when I look at Kyo, I see a child behind his scars...a very cute child...-squeals and hugs kid Kyo-

**Actuality:**

Kyonkichi, Tohru's knight in shining armor.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three: Just Let Me Cry

**Votes:**

AKITO: VII (seven)

NOTES: It must suck to know you're going to die soon...

**Actuality:**

NO FREAKIN' DUH, PEOPLE.

Sorry. That was my alter-egomaniac. It's God...Akito...the bane of the Jyunnishi...the head of the Sohmas...etc...

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Four: Drift

**Votes:**

HATORI: I (one)

KYOKO: VI (six)

NOTES: Drift is talking a bit about her "Butterfly" persona, a bit about the many ways she's been in life. (You guys know it's not Hatori by now, right?) I actually wrote this one a long time ago, in autumn, when my mom missed her turn-off driving me to gymnastics, so we had to circle back around on the highway. It was possibly the most peaceful thing in the world.

**Actuality:**

Honda Kyoko, Tohru's mother, the Red Butterfly, my person idol. Except for the whole drugs-and-beatings thing...

* * *

Theme:

So many people guessed! Yay! That makes me happy!

**People who want their loved ones to be happy no matter what.**

**Bad past / Broken up inside.**

**Future hope.**

Vundervul guesses, mine children. They all do fit, and very well, although the theme I had in mind was:

**High Impact.**

All the characters have a high impact on Tohru. Shigure gives her a home and a foster-family, Kyo falls in love with and marries her, Akito tries to destroy her and is responsible for many actions the Sohmas take regarding her, and Kyoko is her mother and her guide.

Still, your guesses are better than mine. .'

* * *

_...-bursts into tears-..._

_Owari._


End file.
